Will it be ok?

I guess I'm writing this down to help me think through this and sort things out in my head. I don't know if I will get an answer this way, but maybe seeing it in black and white will help me see an answer and maybe it will help me to look back on it later and laugh at myself for making more out of it than I should have.

My youngest is 4 1/2 years old. He is my baby and will always be my baby. If you know me, you will know that I have a hard time letting go of my children and that can be a good thing or a bad thing. It was really hard letting my oldest go 3,000 miles away to college, but somehow I managed and I didn't die and she is doing very well.

My youngest on the other hand has been babied much of his life and I know that. He has also taken his time and enjoyed his role as the baby too, but I know that he will have to grow up eventually.

He started preschool this year at the only Christian preschool in town that is full day. I work full time, so there wasn't the option to put him at another Christian preschool. I wanted him to go to a Christian preschool to get the Bible training, but I thought also the love and support of the teachers at the Christian school.

Instead, I'm not seeing much love at his school. There is a great deal of discipline, which I realize that he needs as well. Being the baby, he has been allowed to get away with a lot of things the older kids were never allowed to do. I'm not saying he never is punished or disciplined at home, but it seems he is always getting in trouble at school and is getting notes home and time outs and comes home crying a lot of days.

Then, today, he had an accident in his pants. They told me that if he did that, they would call me and have me come down and change him. Instead, they helped him get cleaned up and wrote me a note saying that I needed to teach him how to clean himself at home, as though this wasn't something I had been doing. The note made me feel like I'm a bad mother because my 4 1/2 year old son had an accident and couldn't wipe himself well enough so that the teacher had to 'put on gloves' and help him clean up.

I guess I'm embarassed for him and I feel bad that it happened and I wish that he was the perfect child. I wish they had realized that kids have accidents sometimes or at least made me feel like he wasn't the only child to ever have had an accident at the school or to need help.

I never hear good things about him, only get the bad notes. When I ask how he is doing, the teacher says 'fine' and then I find out that he had 2 time outs that day.

It is hard to leave your baby in the first place, but to not LOVE the place you are leaving him makes it even harder. I don't know if I should give it more time, because he is really learning things and doing a lot of great activities and learning the letter sounds and has some days where he seems really happy, but then it is days like this where I think...what am I doing?

Like I said, I didn't expect to come up with an answer, just to put down some thoughts and come back to them later, with some more wisdom and maybe have a better idea on a decision.