Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Depression's ugly grasp

I went to the doctor on Friday, Oct 18 for some female issues, having two periods a month for the past 3 months.  She thought it was early menopause and prescribed some anti depressants, not to help the periods, but for the mood sypmtoms I was having.  Lots of crying, lots of wanting to kill my co workers, lots of frustration with situations I had no control over.  Well, let me tell you, the anti depressants really sent me into a downward spiral.  My face felt heavy and I was sad 24/7.  I had no desire to do anything.  You all know I love to quilt.  That's my passion, comforting others who are going through difficult situations and I just couldn't bring myself to get into the sewing room and do anything.  I emailed the doctor and she said to just give it some time.  I wasn't sure time was going to help. 

I know enough about body chemistry to make me dangerous and that there are chemicals in the brain that help the nerves talk to each other.  Too much of a chemical and the brain talks too much, and not enough and the brain has a hard time communicating.  Not sure if my brain was making too much or not enough, but whatever was going on, the anti depressants were messing things up.

Yesterday was the first day I felt almost normal.  I could smile without feeling like I was a fake.  I could do my job with some enthusiasm.  I had emailed my doctor on Sunday and said I wanted to stop the meds because there was no way I was going to live like that and now they seem to be leveling themselves out.  At least I hope so.  One day doesn't mean the world is all better, but at least I have hope.

Saturday and Sunday I forced myself to make this quilt.  It is for a fundraiser for the Vacaville Veterans and Ladies Auxiliary who send kids to Girls and Boys' state.  My oldest went to Girls' State and had a great time.  The ladies do wonderful work with returning wounded soldiers and I've been supporting them for about 6 years now.  I hope they raise a lot of money.  I just need to put the binding on it today and it will be ready to go.

Who knows, maybe it was the quilting that helped me feel better.  I did go fabric shopping on Sunday too because I needed a backing fabric for the quilt.  Fabric therapy is cheaper than any other therapy I know.


KaHolly said...

Oh, I hope you feel betterer every day!! I love how this quilt came out. The lucky recipient will love it, too.

barbara woods said...

when they give you that stuff they don't tell you about the side effects

Lori said...

Hang in there! I'll be thinking happy healing thoughts for you. Love the stars.