So the whole adoption has been weighing very heavily on me lately. I've been cleaning the house like crazy all summer and feeling pretty rotten that it's taken so long to get it somewhat presentable. The summer is winding down and there is still so much to do. I've given away and thrown away so much stuff and yet, there is enough here to fill several houses and still have stuff left over.
I made a new friend last week and her neighbor has 4 great grandkids who are in foster care. Somehow I decided that it was my responsibility to save these kids (I've never met them) and every other kid out there in the foster system. I got myself all worked up because there are four kids (3 girls and a boy) ages 2-11 and I've spent hours trying to figure out how I was going to be able to fit all of these kids into my house. I wrote to my social worker (who is out on vacation until August 22) and another worker wrote back and said there was no way we could handle all of these kids because of the age of our boys living at home and the age and gender of these kids.
I have to admit I was pretty devastated. I felt like it was my responsibility to take care of these kids I've never met and I'm not exactly sure why I felt this way. I look at homeless pets the same way. I need to save every one and give them a good home. But the truth is, that's not my job. I can't save every dog or cat that doesn't have a home and I can't take in every child whose parents can't take care of them. The truth is my husband isn't quite ready to go ahead and bring a child or two (probably not 4 at once) into our home yet and probably won't be ready for some time. He says next summer. We will see about that.
I need to give myself a little break from the cleaning and the madness and stop feeling like I need to make everything happen. It will happen in God's timing and I need to do my part, but not make myself and everyone else around me crazy in the process. I still have a ways to go with the house and getting stuff out to make room for another child. Just like having a baby, these things can't be rushed. I need to get used to having my older son back at home again (he thinks he is an adult and can make his own life choices now! Ugh) and let things happen instead of making them happen.